not much worth knowin when you figure it out not to mention all that bad shit that happens, the worst things, they only happen once so its not even like it matters if you know what to do next time, there is probably never a next time when knowing what to do would have come in handy is all im sayin (about that at least) and for years now its just seemed like every reaction to my actions minimizes said action so much its as if all ive been doing is reacting now. proactive. go on, say it. pro..active.......could you do it? proactive? every time i try to say it the only thing that comes out of me is a scoff that i honestly dont have much time for because im watchin out for actions so i can react proactively to them. every time i inhale i feel like my world slows down oh so pleasantly and then i exhale and everything spins as my planet shifts into high gear again oh and baby i could watch you like the sea, ill never see the same thing twice and i'll never see the whole thing all at once, i just want to be there when im not supposed to be spyin and peepin, but i cant really compose myself enough for that i want to just wrap my arms around you instead. i love you for so many things you do and i cant forget the things you dont do, i love you for that too. all that stuff at the top by the way wasn't like in reference to you or anything you're totally worth knowing amanda bear and even if i can stay six steps ahead of you in rock, paper, scissors, WINK, i cant guess you out, and i refuse to commit to any prejudgments or predispositions, even if i could know you all at once in a moment, and somehow by the same magic contain it all and contain myself, i wouldnt want to honey, you're the kind of book that i want to live in, and unbelievably precious to me, knowing you fully and instantly wouldnt be so bright and white and charming as it sounds, it would be dull and simple and everything that we aren't. i want to live with you. forever. not forever like a billion years but our forever, im not asking for anything more than the time we're going to get, but i want to spend it all with you, you're where my cock is amanda, you're where my heart is amanda, ive never existed so willingly before this, i wont always be retarding you either, and no this isnt turning into some guilt ridden sappy ass apology that you wont accept anyways, this is me thinking of you, seeing that my contact is offline, and not having an ear to gush into or a mouth to kiss goodnight. i love you so much amanda, oh how i love you!

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